


His Lonely Upbringing

by shingekinofanalis



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Childhood Memories, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-12 04:26:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1181887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shingekinofanalis/pseuds/shingekinofanalis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The streets that night were foggy and empty, the reflection of the dimly lit street lamps glowing around Levi as he struggled his way back to the orphanage. The sidewalks were now stained with a trail of dark red residue that had fallen from the tips of Levi’s hair and his punctured wrist but as soon as his icy gaze found the porch light of the orphanage, he let out a sigh of relief knowing he would be home soon and could do with a long, overdue bubble bath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Childhood Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Any reviews/comments would be appreciated!

_Damn it. I ca-_

A crushing blow to the stomach. A small boy of 11 was now crouched down in the dark alley as a bigger middle schooler retracted his fat fists from Levi’s stomach, covered in the blood that had dripped from Levi’s hairline. He was coughing profusely now, spitting out the blood that penetrated through his tongue when he bit it as the bully rammed his head into the wall previous to the punch in the stomach. “What a little cunt you are. How tall are you? 2 feet tall? You didn’t even have any money on you, what a worthless piece of shit. Your parents must hate you, filthy bastard.” They had the worst vocabulary for middle schoolers. Levi included. _Thwack_ right to Levi’s head before taking the rest of his lunch money and running off. It was almost 9 o’clock, too late for any 11 year-old to be walking out by himself. The alley now reeked of week-old trash and Levi’s blood, sweat, and tears, as he lied there, unable to get up for the next few minutes. _What the hell did I do to deserve this? As if my life wasn’t shitty enough._

Levi struggled as he attempted to lift his head off the ground to take a glance at his shattered watch. It read 9:13 PM; whether or not it was correct was beyond him. The kids had managed to grab a hold of his wrist and twist it around his back, kicking him where his watch was, letting the pieces of the glass fall to the ground, stained in blood. He squinted in pain and with great difficulty as he saw several shards of the watch glass embedded in his pale skin right below where his wrist met his fragile arm. Attempting to stabilize himself and sit up, he gripped the loose gravel that was spread about around him and let out a small hiss as he stumbled up against the dumpster. _Filthy can of shitty smelling shit_. He hated the idea of leaning against a grimy dumpster but considering the state of things, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief as he was able to stand against it without falling over. Bent out of shape, he wearily limped back home – St. Rose’s Orphanage, where he would find his best friend Mikasa sitting on the edge of the bunk bed, wrapped in her bright red scarf and swinging her legs anxiously as she waited for Levi to come back soon.

The streets that night were foggy and empty, the reflection of the dimly lit street lamps glowing around Levi as he struggled his way back to the orphanage. The sidewalks were now stained with a trail of dark red residue that had fallen from the tips of Levi’s hair and his punctured wrist but as soon as his icy gaze found the porch light of the orphanage, he let out a sigh of relief knowing he would be home soon and could do with a long, overdue bubble bath.

“LEVI!” Mikasa hadn’t made any room for hesitation as she pulled Levi in for a hug. “Mikasa, don’t do that, dammit!” He was wincing at the pain from his best friend’s hug as she scanned his broken stature with hawk eyes. “What the HELL happened? Why didn’t you run away? Why do you always insist on fighting battles that you can’t win?!” Mikasa was furious. She worried about Levi’s wellbeing more than her own and this irritated him. “I don’t need everyone looking after me all the time. And don’t you dare say that height or build factors into the way I handle myself because all of that is absolute bullshit. Go to bed or something, and don’t wait up. I can take care of this. But first, a bath.” This was all too familiar for Levi. He had not been brought up conventionally and had begun to shape his personality and wellbeing into something equally unconventional. He’s yet to find his rock, his stability. But everyday, he’s always one step closer.

 The caretaker of the orphanage carefully glazed warm water over Levi's tender wounds - forceful enough to clean them but gentle enough so that Levi was put out of his misery for the time being. She had just finished the laundry and helped him slip into his little frog pajamas that now smelled of lavender. He really was a petite little boy, no taller than 4'4" and covered in bandages as he waddled into his bedroom. "I thought I told you to get some rest, Mikasa." Ever since Levi became victim to bullies on the streets, his persona quickly adapted to that of a lethargic adult; he began to sound apathetic and careless and showed little signs of emotion. The only times Mikasa had seen a slight shimmer of happiness in his eyes was when it was bath time, something a majority of the children had despised at the orphanage. As he climbed up the ladder and into his bed, he said in a soft whisper, "Mikasa. I'm sorry for all of the pain and worries I've caused you. When I grow up, things are going to change. I'll grow up to the big brother you can look up to. Just watch me." Mikasa slept in peace that night and Levi prayed for a better tomorrow, the same prayer he had been reciting ever since his parents passed away. 

_Levi’s scars by 11 years of age: the tearing of his soul as he saw the deaths of his parents before his very eyes, a gash on the bottom of his foot from when he scoured the grave streets for food and shelter, open glass wounds from the watch his beloved grandfather left him, and stitch patterns underneath his layer of pitch black hair from when his head made contact to the wall that one foggy night._

 

 


	2. Potential Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi matures.

The orphanage was home to only a handful of orphans, roughly 7. Rather than the traditional orphanage that housed more than 30 with a regimented schedule for every day, chores split up between groups of children, meals cooked and served in bulk, this particular orphanage emitted the feeling of a real home. It was a cozy little house with 4 bedrooms each arranged with bunk beds and twin desks for two kids to study and sleep in, the aroma of mashed potatoes and beef stew permeated all throughout, and paned with wood flooring that reflected the warm, auburn glow of the ambient lighting that made your eyes droopy if you sat still for too long (rather than those unflattering fluorescent lights resembling those in factories). Those that lived here never thought of the place as a reminder of grief and sorrow; they knew they were well taken care of and most importantly, loved.

 

The children that were raised here grew up to be beautiful, well-rounded children, for they were encouraged to pick up an instrument or kick a ball around outside to remain active both physically and mentally. They were also required to attend school, since the public schools around the area were free of cost. By the time the kids reached a certain age, they would have already a level of self-reliance and maturity, a redeeming quality in an orphan that is to be adopted. Levi, having reached that level of self-reliance at a very young age, still lacked maturity, which resulted in coming home every day with cuts and bruises from another back-alley fight he probably lost.

 

By the time he reached his 13th birthday, most of the kids he grew up with in the orphanage had already been adopted. When potential parents would come to observe the children in the game room, they noticed almost all of the children gleamed with bright, shining faces and smiles that reached from ear to ear, working on a puzzle or reading an I SPY book in the middle of the room. Except for two. The smallest little boy with jet black hair sat on the piano bench (not playing piano, he sat on the bench backwards), swinging his little legs and being tended to by a girl with a red scarf wrapped around her neck. He was ruffling to get leaves out of his hair while the girl was cleaning the long cut he received when he fell down from a tree he attempted to climb not long before the potential parents started observing them. He was disheveled and looked like a brat so naturally they didn’t think anything of him. This scenario happened often, which was unfortunate for Levi. He was often misunderstood as a heartless rebel, but those who talked to him on a daily basis was well aware of his kind and loving demeanor. He was just never given much of a chance.

 

One by one, kids were being adopted and the caretaker of the orphanage took in new kids. By the time he reached the beginning of his last year of junior high, Levi and Mikasa were the only two from the original group of children that had yet to be adopted. While it was more of a choice for Mikasa (she refused to leave Levi’s side and vowed to protect him always), there was just no pair of people that were interested in adopting the poor boy. As couples start to think about having children, they envision a life together with a child always asking for hugs and kisses that eventually grow up to be loving towards not only them, but to their friends and future family. Levi, for most people, wasn’t the “ideal” child for this clouded vision. Instead, he preferred to be alone, studying, taking a walk, finding the highest possibly branch on a tree to sit on for several hours, and just didn’t bother doing anything with others around him. One splendid afternoon, as Levi was sitting on a stone bench in the garden out back petting a squirrel in his lap, he glanced up to see Mikasa close the sliding door behind her as she pulled her scarf up to her face. _Something’s wrong._ An intuition Levi was able to pick up just from looking at her eyes.

 

“Levi. A family is interested in adopting me.”

 

-

 

“O-oh. I see.” He knew it was about time that a family had taken interested in Mikasa. She was doting, protective, intelligent, and well mannered; any family would be lucky to take her in. “Hm. Any reason why you’re telling me? What do you intend to do?” His demeanor was cold and blunt, but Mikasa knew he was just scared. “I’m not really sure. I thought I’d ask you first. What do you think I should do?”

 

“What the hell? It’s your life, isn’t it? You don’t need my approval for anything, geez.” He averted his gaze and glanced down at the ground, trying to hide his sadness and holding back tears. _What a wimp. Let her go. She needs a family more than she needs me._ “Mikasa. In the long run, it’s best to grow up with a solid foundation and family. I will write to you every day, that’s no problem. It would make me happy if you went with them. Well, if you like them anyways. They might not even deserve you for all I know. Tch, how troublesome.”

 

She wasn’t expecting that. She had grown accustomed to Levi reaching his hand out and asking her to hang out with him, to study with him, to be by his side always, but what came out of his mouth was anything but what she was prepared to hear. “They have a son named Eren. He’s our age. Maybe he’s nice. I don’t know.”

 

“Are you attracted to your soon-to-be adopted brother that you’ve never met before or something?” Levi chuckled before Mikasa’s palm made contact to the back of his head. “I was just kidding! There’s nothing wrong with lightening the mood.” Levi smiled his genuine smile that lit up every room; a smile Mikasa would miss the most when she leaves. He was hurting, but was considerate enough to trick Mikasa into thinking he was okay as always.

 

By the end of the week, the room that used to occupy the two kids now only housed one. There were still two desks and the bunk bed stayed intact, but the desk was now gathering dust in the corner. Their parting was sad but brief, for both of them felt the need to hold back tears. Their last hug was longer than they expected, trying to hide their faces in attempt to keep their pride from crumbling before them.

The car left the driveway.

 

Mikasa cried.

 

Levi wept.

 

-

 

“Dammit, get the fuck off of me, you assface.”

 

He was in the alley once more, though he had been initiating the fights as of late, not for fun, but for revenge. After Mikasa had left, he decided to transform his bedroom into a training room, promising himself that he would not longer feel the need to rely on others. Through strength tests, circuits, and morning runs, he developed his own sense of maturity. It was unconventional – he refused to open up to others and spent most of his time confined to his bedroom. He grew a bit and was slender, with muscles that could be defined through his shirt. He dressed like he was much older than 13, taking on a particular interest in cravats and blazers. He also developed a “not-taking-this-shit” attitude, which landed him a spot in the “list of dangerous students” his peers at school mentally took note of and that’s how he ended up on his stomach, hands held behind his back by the another “dangerous student” that got into fights with Levi often.

 

_You’ll regret this, assface._ With a certain grace to it, the back of Levi’s head swung backwards, making a dent in the other’s forehead, knocking him off of Levi’s back and squirming on the ground before him. Jumping up, Levi placed his hands firmly into his pants pockets and gave the student a definitive kick to the stomach before fixing his cravat. “That’s what fuckers like you get when you picked on me as a child.” Putting pressure on his back heel, he swiveled himself around and walked away, without a scratch on his face.

 

He didn’t include events like these in the letters he sent to Mikasa. He wanted to preserve the memories he had with her in a separate part of his past, a part he would be proud to look back on. By the time he reached high school, the Levi Mikasa knew was tucked away deep inside of him. The smile he once flashed so brightly was now bent downwards into a thin, straight line. He was indifferent to anything and everything.

 

Levi and Mikasa, along with Eren, Mikasa’s adopted brother, were accepted to Trost High, a prestigious school for the gifted and talented.

 

But Mikasa hardly recognized who Levi was when she saw him across the cafeteria on the first day of school.

 

_Levi’s scars by 14 years of age: the tearing of his soul as he saw the deaths of his parents before his very eyes, a gash on the bottom of his foot from when he scoured the grave streets for food and shelter, open glass wounds from the watch his beloved grandfather left him, stitch patterns underneath his layer of pitch black hair from when his head made contact to the wall that one foggy night, the long cut on his stomach the afternoon he fell from a tree, a repaired fracture in his foot when he dropped a dumbbell on it on the first day of strength training, the irreparable scars he received countless times from overhearing potential parents tell the caretaker of the orphanage that they believe Levi should be looked at, and the severing of the familial ties he made with Mikasa growing up as she left the orphanage._


	3. Impressions

Levi was sitting nonchalantly at a cafeteria table by himself. He had brought lunch from home (he couldn’t bother with subpar cafeteria food) and removed his cravat before scooping his first bite into his mouth. As he chewed his food carefully 47 times, he reached into his backpack for what looked like a glasses case and a book. He didn’t wear glasses often - only when he was reading the minute print that spread across the pages of his book. Unbeknownst to him, Mikasa noticed Levi eating lunch by himself from across the cafeteria and was surprised by how much he had changed within a year. Life had left his eyes and he lost most of the passion that he accumulated in his early childhood. “I’ll be right back, Eren. There’s someone I have to catch up with for a little bit. I’ll see you in class, don’t worry.” And she left the table without a second glance.

“Levi.”

_Who is.. Oh. Huh._ Levi put his book down carefully, making sure he not to make a crease in the pages. “Mikasa, that’s right, you have been accepted into this school too, it slipped my mind. You’ve changed considerably since I last saw you.” She had grown to be much taller than him, around 4 inches taller (which he was not entirely pleased about), and her body was more defined. _Still wears that damn scarf of hers._ “You’ve become a lot more formal.” Mikasa squinted her eyes at him slightly, trying to figure out why Levi had come off so strange to her. “Formality has become an acquired trait of mine. Don’t mind it too much. I have class now, but it was good seeing you. Another warning. I suggest you don’t get too involved with me anymore. It’s only going to hurt you.” He said as he returned all of his belongings back in his suitcase (he found backpacks unflattering and creased clothing too often) and set off to his class. “Was that…supposed to be a reunion…” Mikasa whispered to herself quietly. It was as if Levi wasn’t completely present when she talked to him, like a silhouette in her dreams, but she refused to believe the Levi she grew up with was gone. All she could hope for was a chance to talk to him again soon.

* * *

“Hey. Short stack.”

Levi was interrupted mid-step by a junior towering at 6’1”. He had recognized him; he attended Levi’s middle school and never hesitated to comment about his diminutive stature every day. _I don’t have time to mess with this fucker, I have to get to calculus._ “I hear you’ve gotten a pretty great rep here, even though you’re just a freshman. Everyone’s scared of you,” he growled as he tugged the back of Levi’s collar aggressively, “but I don’t see it. You just look like a dick with no heart to me.” _Really? Says the guy who’s messing the hell out of my collar. Damn._

“I would ask what you want from me, but seeing as though you’ve only mentioned my height, I’m assuming you’re just asking for an ass-kicking.” Levi remarked as he sassily rolled his eyes around. “How about this? I’ll give you 3 seconds to let go of my collar, or so help me, the next thing you’ll see is the inside of the trashcan.”

“You’ve got some nerve – “

“3.”

“- talking to me like you can stuff me-“

“2.”

“-in a fucki-“

Before he could finish his sentence, Levi jammed his own elbow into the junior’s ribcage so hard that he could have sworn a small cracking noise emitted from his abs. Not thinking too much about it, Levi reached for the other student’s wrist and pulled it down towards him, using the student’s center of gravity to flip him over Levi’s back and right into the trashcan. The student couldn’t move, the pain from his ribcage shot up his spine and put him in a state of shock, leaving him in the trashcan with no alternative. “How tall I am is none of your concern.” Levi hissed as he watched the student helplessly flop around in the trashcan. _Tch, filthy. I’m going to have to wash up before going to class now._ He had a tendency of getting to class very early, but he arrived late to class for the first time because he believed washing his hands was a lot more important than claiming his seat.

* * *

As his feet finally reached his classroom, he managed to wrap his slender fingers around the door handle before stopping abruptly as his eyesight pierced through the glass window of the door. _Someone is in my seat._

Levi had entered from the back of the classroom and saw a girl with honey-brown hair sitting in his seat (which he didn’t appreciate one bit). Once he arrived at the double-seated desk, he waited tensely until she finally made eye contact with him. She was a beauty with great light brown eyes and she smiled up at him and giggled. “Oh gosh, is this your spot? I’m sorry, I can move if you’d like!” His barrier that kept him apart from everyone else had shattered for a brief period of time as he replied. “Um, hmm. No, just stay there.” He settled for the seat to the left of her, right by the window so he could zone out and busy himself with things other than school.

“Welcome to calculus. This is a group-work based class and just to get an idea of where your math skills are up until this point, I’ve handed out a worksheet. The person you are sitting by will be your math partner for the rest of the year, so make acquaintances and start on the worksheet.” _Is the teacher crazy? Group-work based math? That’s bullshit, this isn’t kindergarten._ He didn’t bother taking interest to the girl who sat next to him, but she was eager to get to know him. 

“Despite being a seat-jacker, I wanted to introduce myself! My name is Petra Ral.” She said with a shining smile. “Hello, I’m Levi.” He only felt inclined to introduce himself because he knew at some point in the future, they would have to work together extensively on homework assignments, so it was better to formally become familiar with each other now. “Nice to meet you, Levi! Hmm.. this assignment looks easy enough!” The way she said his name was like hearing heaven’s bells, and before he knew it, she had already finished the assignment. _Why is she so damn smart, I’ve only finished the third problem._ “Finished! Do you need any help, Levi?” She asked him as she closed in next to him, leaning on his right arm, giving him goosebumps in the process. _She’s not one to care about personal space much._ “No, thanks, I just need some time to think about the problems.” He shook her off carefully as he finished up the worksheet. He didn’t intend on staying any longer than needed as the bell rung, signaling the end of school. “Nice to meet you, Petra.” He told her as he bowed his head before quickly leaving the classroom. He needed to get home soon; it was his night to help cook. 

* * *

Unfortunately, Levi still resides at the orphanage. There still hadn’t been any potential parents that wanted to adopt him, though this time it wasn’t because of his maturity level or rugged looks; it was merely because he was too old. Most parents were inclined to adopt a kid younger than a middle schooler, and being a high schooler, Levi had given up the idea of finally living with a family outside of the orphanage. He took on the job as a cook in the orphanage, rotating every other day with the head cook in charge. He enjoyed the idea of cooking and creating something out of the sparse ingredients lying around the kitchen. He had mastered the art of cooking Ratatouille (for vegetables were cheaper than meat) and served it with hot, creamy, butter squash soup and warm slices of garlic bread. The kids were always excited for meals that Levi had cooked, because like the orphanage itself, it reminded them of unity and comfort and Levi took pride in this indefinitely. As he hiked back up to his bedroom, he wondered if he would ever have a future outside of this place. He wanted to become successful in his job, to meet a lovely girl and fall in love, raise a family together and ensure that nothing happens to him or his future bride so that they could stay a family forever. He would never admit this to anyone out loud, but it helped him fall asleep at night. Little did he know, his future was already starting to unfold itself before his very eyes. 

* * *

After the trashcan incident, no one wanted to mess with Levi at school, having pictured their already predetermined fate of losing to him. Because he didn’t have to bother with people causing a fuss, he was better able to focus on his schoolwork and was now able to challenge Petra to a race to finish their worksheet. As smart as Levi was, he was too oblivious to see how quickly he was starting to take a liking to her. They spent much of their time together, and he didn’t hesitate to make small talk when she was around. They exchanged numbers and often called each other for help on difficult homework problems and even problems from other classes they didn’t have together. Petra had started eating lunch with him every day and they were able to discuss current events or what happened in the book they were reading as of late. It felt so natural for him to be around her and his icy exterior started to melt by the warmth of her being.

The semester was coming to an end and Christmas was soon approaching. Levi had been talking to the caretaker of the orphanage about Petra and how he wanted to do something for her in light of the upcoming holiday. “Bring her over here and cook her some of your famous Ratatouille, of course!” She boasted for him, patting his back. He gave her a small smile but his heart was filled with shame. _I can’t bring her here, this isn’t a place to bring visitors and cook for them as if it were a real home._ It pained him to think that, but he wasn’t ready to expose all of him to her yet. He needed to ask her to be with him on that day first before thinking of ways to impress her.

The following day in calculus, he asked Petra to meet him at his locker before she left the school grounds. She happily agreed and found him leaning against his locker, an assortment of vibrant colored flowers in his hand, waiting for her. The sight of her made his heart jump to his throat but with all the courage he could muster, he managed to choke out the words, “Would you like to spend Christmas Day with me?” The poor boy was flushed red, and for the first time in his life, he was too embarrassed to move. As he tried to return back into a state of normalcy, he found a pair of arms quickly wrapping around his neck and a loud squeal from the girl who had done so. “Of course I’d love to, Levi!” He hesitated to hug her back but his arms moved without his consent and soon they were in a long and loving embrace. Her hair smelled of spring and his heart was overwhelmed with the idea of a relationship blossoming. _I am willing to make her the happiest girl in the world. The question was: how?_

_Levi did not accumulate any scars between the ages of 14 and 15, for Petra had started to heal him from the inside._


	4. PR

“Look at you, little Levi, all grown up!” the caretaker of the orphanage exclaimed as Levi came down the stairs before his big Christmas date with Petra. He had bought himself a new suit and decided that the cravat was not appropriate attire for the night. He had showered thoroughly beforehand and combed his hair neatly. He had a grand presence about him; he wore a black suit (pressed and ironed twice) with a silver and dark blue striped tie. A sleek silver watch sat on his left wrist - a watch that the orphanage had bought him to try and make up for the broken one his grandfather had left him. Yes, it lacked the sentiment of the previous watch, but he appreciated the thought and humbly accepted the gift.

Outside the orphanage, Mikasa was waiting for him on a motorcycle, a birthday present that her adopted parents had bought her a year ago. Mikasa had mentioned it to him in passing one day at school and because his only means of transportation was a bicycle, he asked Mikasa if he could borrow it for the night, which she happily agreed to. He flashed her a big smile before being handed the keys and Mikasa hugged him tight, telling him to be safe and to have fun. She hadn’t seen him this happy in years and only wished the best for him. With that, Mikasa traded her motorcycle for Levi’s bicycle and headed back home. Before leaving, Levi ran back inside to put on his outdoor coat and tucked away the flowers he had bought her under it. _It’d look like shit if I come to her door with petals missing from the flowers, geez._ He gave his caretaker a hug and thanked her for helping him prepare for this night and took off, arriving at Petra’s apartment not 15 minutes later.

Levi swung his leg over the motorcycle and pulled out a small comb to fix his hair that was restricted under the motorcycle helmet. After making sure his clothes were in pristine condition, he slowly made his way to her door, heart beating louder and louder after every step he made. He cleared his throat and knocked on the door firmly. He couldn’t have finished the third knock when the door swung wide open, revealing a petite angel in a periwinkle blue dress. He was speechless but finally realized that flowers that were under his coat were beginning to poke him in the chest so he pulled them out to breathe and handed them to her as he bowed his head like a gentleman. “For you, my lady.” He said in a low voice and noticed her face flush when their hands touched as she accepted them. She skipped to the kitchen and put them in a vase with water before they left, being very careful that she not to ruin how perfect the petals were on the end of every stem. When he showed her their mode of transportation for the night, Petra shrieked, “We’re riding on a motorcycle tonight? Oh goodness, this is so exciting!” Levi couldn’t help but chuckle as she quickly put the helmet on her head and sat on the back of the motorcycle, patting the front seat with her hand to indicate how excited she was and that Levi was taking too long. “What’s the plan for tonight, sir?” she asked as he turned the key into the ignition. He smirked under his black motorcycle helmet and refused to answer her question, speeding off to their first event of the night.

“Dinner was so delicious, Levi. The chicken parmesan was amazing and don’t even get me started on dessert.” Petra told Levi as she patted her belly. “I’m really glad you enjoyed it, I wasn’t sure what kind of food you liked, but I figured everyone loves Italian. Just wait until we get to our next destination.” Levi said as he grabbed her hand, running back to the motorcycle. He looked so blissful; his smile beamed across his face as he looked back at her, like a little kid awaiting a surprise. She loved all of his attributes, but she loved this side of him the most. He seemed so carefree, something most people had not had the opportunity to see. But she did. And she engrossed herself in the moment when it presented herself. Levi started the motorcycle back up and kicked it into gear. “Where are we going now, dear?” _She called me…dear._ His heart felt like it grew three sizes and with the adrenaline that was kicking in, they zoomed off.

They had been traveling for quite a while now, enjoying the scenery and winding their way around mountains. It seemed like they had been on an endless journey until the next town began to show itself in the distance. “Levi, did we leave town? What are we doing here?” Petra asked him. “It’s your next surprise, Petra.” Levi said as he started to slow down his motorcycle and to meet the town’s speed limit. He parked the motorcycle next to an ice cream shop near the middle of town and Petra wrapped herself around Levi’s right arm as they walked side by side. It was a chilly winter night with remnants of snow that lay on the ground, but they kept warm; they only needed the warmth that radiated from each other’s body and the warmth that arose in their rosy cheeks whenever they looked at each other. “We’re here.”

Her eyes widened significantly. They had reached the town’s square, where a grand lighted fountain sat in the middle and trees surrounded them with an assortment of hanging Christmas lights. The square was bustling with families and couples that wanted to see the great attraction, taking pictures and drinking the hot apple cider that was sold at a stand right by the fountain. It was an attraction the town prided itself for every year, dimming the rest of the lights in town so the bulbs hanging from the trees in the square would shine its brightest. “It’s beautiful, Levi. You didn’t have to take me to a neighboring town just to see these lights, even though they’re absolutely magnificent.” Petra thanked him humbly but Levi just replied, “This isn’t all.” But he would let her have her fun for a while and they walked side-by-side around town for the next hour.

Unbeknownst to Petra, Levi had managed to lead her to a park that sat on the tallest hill of the city. They had walked for a really long time but neither of them noticed because of how much they enjoyed each other’s company. Finally finding a bench to sit down on, Levi reached into his suit pocket for a little red box with a pink satin ribbon wrapped around it. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to buy anything better, but I really hope you like it.” He said shyly as his shaking hands moved towards hers. Petra was stunned. She opened the little box, and inside was a necklace with a round, silver charm with the letters _PR_ engraved on it, which left her speechless. Levi took this as a good indication to try and put the necklace around her neck, and reached over to gently pull the necklace away from her fragile fingers and wrapped his hands around her hair to move it to one side. Petra noticed herself getting goosebumps as his fingers grazed over her neck as he messed with the clasp of the necklace.

“It’s perfect, Levi. This night has been absolutely perfect. How did you become so amazing?” _But I’m not amazing. I can’t show you all of me. You’d only be disappointed._ There was a comfortable silence as they sat on the bench, looking over the town that shone brightly from the all the lights that hung in the town square. But Levi couldn’t take his eyes off of Petra. She shone brighter than any light he’d ever come across. He slowly leaned in closer towards her, tilting his head slightly to the side as he brushed a stray strand of her hair behind her ear and kissed her softly. His breath left him and he couldn’t pull away, so he kissed her deeper, until the only thoughts that were running through their minds were memories they shared together. His fingers slid to intertwine with hers as he pulled her closer and his entire world had stood still to capture the moment that would last forever. The snow and ice that encompassed his heart was now swept away by the coming of spring, his spring, his everlasting sunshine that he had been waiting for his entire life. At 1:06 AM, Levi and Petra arrived back at Petra’s apartment and they kissed before he left her once more.

 

Levi slept soundly that night. He didn’t need to make up a silhouetted significant other to fall in love with in his thoughts before he fell asleep. He was able to picture her and only her, their possible future together, and that was enough for him. It was more than just an amazing Christmas Day. It was the first time and only time Levi would fall in love.


	5. His Rock

Petra and Levi spent a lot of their time together during the Christmas break. They favored conversation over the more frivolous things so most of their activities involved walking by the river holding hands and talking about something that had happened since the last time they met or just sitting at a coffee shop doing exactly the same thing. They had attempted to be adventurous _once_ – Petra had asked Levi if he wanted to go ice-skating one chilly evening, and with his pride as motivation, he agreed. This didn’t last long, considering they ended up at a dessert shop not long after arriving at the skating rink. They were a part of the few high schoolers that simply fell in love through intimate conversation.

After what felt like only a couple of days of relaxation, the school term resumed once more. The students were back in their usual seats and mingled about their break before the class started. Levi’s day seemed to have gone on forever until he was able to go eat lunch with Petra at their usual table right by the window. The gap between them had slowly grown smaller, now sitting next to each other with arms touching as they ate. They laughed often, something that was fairly new to Levi as he entered high school. As she laughed, he couldn’t help but smile and lean his face over to the side of hers, his nose brushing the temple of her forehead as he gives her a peck on the cheek. She was worth every glance they received in the lunchroom as he displayed his affection for her publicly, but they were always little things that would make her blush like the feeling of his soft, slender fingers as he helped tuck a stray hair behind her ear. They walked to Calculus together, hand-in-hand, and prepared for the class.

“Welcome back, lovely students! I hope you had a wonderful break. However, it’s time to get back to work and to start it off, I’m assigning you guys a project!” The teacher said as the entire class groaned in agony. “Oh hush, you guys should have known. Anyways. The project will be worked together in partners of your choosing but will have to be worked on outside of class because, well, this is lecture time. I’ll give you all ten minutes to find your partner and figure all the logistics out.” Students were hopping up out of their seats to hunt down their best friend but Levi and Petra stayed where they were and agreed to work on the project together. They decided it would be best to try and work on it tonight and Levi had agreed but suddenly had his train of thoughts interrupted when Petra asked, “Can we work on it at your place?” 

_No._

“Um, is there not any other place we could work on the project?” Levi asked her shyly.

“We can’t work in a noisy environment because the project is the make a video proving the validity of an equation, and my place is being renovated right now so it’s a mess and cement is everywhere.” Petra explained.

“Well, we can work in the library or something then. I’m sure we’ll figure something out.” Levi spews out quickly as he’s fumbling with his math notebook.

“Alright class, that should be enough time. Let’s start class.”

Levi pulls out his pencil and starts to focus on the lecture being given but Petra continues to look at him intently, curious as to why he’s been avoiding her

question.

* * *

“Seeing as though we haven’t really figured out anything for the project tonight, I’ll just see you tomorrow. I have something I need to take care of at home right away.” And with that, Levi rushed out of the room. It was, once again, his night to cook so he had to hurry back in order to cook before all of the other students came home from their respective schools. Petra was taken aback by Levi’s suddenly suspicious actions. Out of curiosity, she decided to follow him home. However, by the time Petra found Levi’s whereabouts, it was too late. He hadn’t made it home. It was an unfortunate happenstance that Levi was caught up in the alley once more.

Briskly walking with his suitcase in hand, Levi left the school grounds and was on his way home. The green street sign where he would normally take a right to go home was in sight when all of a sudden Levi felt a sudden pain in the back of his neck and a large hand squeezing around it. Before Levi could swing his leg around to kick the attacker, another one forcefully grabbed his suitcase of his hands and threw it in the dumpster, distracting Levi for just the right amount of time in order for a third attacker to grab his hands together, immobilizing him. The three dragged helpless Levi into the alley and faced him towards a fourth person – the student Levi threw into the trashcan during the first week of school. Levi scanned the alley and picked out 10 figures surrounding him. He was in trouble and unable to move.

“You don’t look so intimidating anymore, now that I brought some friends to make you repay for what you did to me.” The gang leader said as he pulled out an object from his pocket. He flipped it open, the side of the blade glistening as he tilted it towards the late afternoon sun. _A knife. Short range attacks. Doesn’t look like any of these bastards has a gun on them. It’s impossible to take on all ten at one time. I’m going to have to try and escape or else I’ll die here._

Levi took a deep breath to regulate his rapid heartbeat and spat into the eyes of the attacker that had took hold of his hands. Surprised, the attacker loosened his grip and Levi easily freed his hands, punching the attacker in the face and knocking him to the ground. The hand around his neck tightened but Levi noticed that the guy’s feet were on unstable ground, realizing immediately the amount of loose gravel that was free to slide around underneath their feet. Levi swung around and punched the guy in the neck, knocking the wind out of his esophagus and also lost his grip on Levi, allowing Levi to duck down and swipe his feet off of the ground in one swift kick. He felt victorious and was in the midst of standing up to run home but to no avail.

A bystander of the group did a roundhouse kick to the side of Levi’s stomach and Levi let out a low hiss, which echoed in the alley and reached the ears of his significant other who had been trailing around behind him. Petra, while trying to follow Levi, lost him in the midst of all the cars that passed in between them on the streets but little did she know, she was right around the corner from the scene. “What is that noise? Is someone hurt?” Petra followed the hiss and gasped quietly enough for the gang to not hear her. Tears were falling from her eyes as she saw Levi kneeling on the ground, covered in bruises and being held down limb by limb by 4 students. She noticed a 5th student and the object he was holding in his hand. “No.. no..” She knew what was coming but the fear that struck up her spine kept her from moving towards them. What could she do? She wouldn’t be of any help and they might hurt Levi even more if she jumped into it now. But she didn’t care anymore. She needed to help him regardless. “LEV-“ She started to say before her voice was drowned out by the scream that emitted out of Levi’s mouth. Petra stood there terrified as she saw blood blowing in the wind. The leader of the gang had taken the knife and sliced Levi’s left eye, making a deep vertical cut that ran from his eyebrow, through his eye, and down about an inch from the bottom of his eye. Levi fell to the ground and covered his severed left eye with his hands, not knowing what to do now that his left eye is unable to serve him. Unguarded, the leader rammed the knife into Levi’s side and bashed his head against the ground, knocking Levi out and bleeding profusely in the alley. Worried someone might find out, the students rushed off and left him there.

Levi was on the brink of death and Petra stood around the corner, a mortified look stuck on her face from the scene that she had just witnessed. It took her 5 minutes for any feeling to run through her body as she finally found the strength to run over to Levi’s side.

* * *

 

“Levi. Levi!” She was panicking and turned him over on his back thinking it may help the blood from spilling as much. CPR wouldn’t help him now so Petra scrambled around on Levi’s person to try and find his phone, hoping for an ICE number in his contacts list. Once she found it, she called the nearest hospital and explained the situation at hand. Once they confirmed they’d be on their way soon, Petra proceeded to look at his contacts list for the ICE number. Now that she had thought about it, Levi had never mentioned anything about his family or anyone else close to him during conversation. After scanning his contacts list, she finally found an ICE next to a name. But it wasn’t a name.

“Orphanage ICE...? Is this right? Should I call this number?” Petra was confused but decided to call the number anyways. The caretaker of the orphanage picked up and let Petra know that she will meet her at the hospital once the ambulance arrives to the destination. In the distance, the sound of ambulance sirens grew louder and the rest happened too quickly. Levi was quickly placed on a stretcher and Petra sat next to it inside the back of the ambulance, holding his hand and praying to a higher power that Levi will make it out okay.

Petra was told to sit in the waiting room of the Intensive Care Unit as Levi is going to be looked at by the doctor. Petra could not do anything else but sit quietly and thanked the nurse for everything they are doing. As she entered the waiting area, she spotted a frail, old lady with light gray hair sitting in one of the chairs, crying, as she was looking at a small picture that Petra recognized. It was Levi as a child.

“Um, excuse me. Are you Levi’s mother?” Petra asked as she hesitantly sat in the chair adjacent to the old lady. “Oh dearest, no. I’m the caretaker of the orphanage that Levi lives at.” Petra finally understood why he never wanted to do anything at his place. She whispered under her breath “Was he ashamed to tell me? Why did he think this needed to be kept a secret? What an idiot…” The caretaker heard her. “Oh, you must be Petra.” She smiled softly as Petra’s face turned a bright pink and eyes wide, shocked by how this woman knows her name. “He thinks so highly of you. Levi is a shy boy, and all he ever wanted was someone to accept him before turning him away due to being an orphan. He has had a very unfortunate upbringing, but all of us at the orphanage love Levi with all the love we can give him.” Petra had no words. She was silenced by the kindness this woman was bestowing upon her and started wondering about the relationship Levi must have with her. There’s no question she was a very important figure to Levi. 

“I am in love with Levi. Over the past couple of months, Levi has easily become one of the most important people in my life and I have realized that I would love to help Levi every step of the way. That being said, I would really appreciate it if you would consider letting Levi stay with me.” 

The caretaker only looked at Petra with tired but calm eyes. She didn’t seem surprised and unbeknownst to Petra, the caretaker felt a sigh of a relief emanate all throughout her body. There was no doubt that she knew Levi would be in able hands if Petra were to take care of him. “Levi….is old enough to make the decision for himself. I give you my blessing to take Levi under your wing, but I believe it would be best if he made the decision.” The caretaker uttered, smiling at Petra. A voice interrupted the serenity of the moment and the doctor informed them that Levi will require a great amount of time to recover but he will be just fine. He is currently sleeping and won’t be awake until the next morning so the two were informed of Levi’s visitor times and sent home for the night. 

_Knock knock._ “Co- ow..come in…” Levi said weakly as he tried to sit up against his pillow. Petra slowly opened the door and walked in with a vase of nice flowers to put on his side table. Tears involuntarily swelled in her eyes and she saw her love helplessly sitting against his pillow (completely opposite from his usual stoic presence), entire body bandaged and a patch of gauze on his left eye held on by the bandaging wrapped around his head. “Sweetheart…” Petra sat down on his bed and carefully hugged him, laying her head gently on his chest as she quietly sobs out of both relief and sorrow. “I met your caretaker.. she’s a lovely lady, Levi. I don’t know why you kept this away from me. I guess I understand, but.. Levi..” Fury began to swell up inside of him but instead of yelling out of frustration, tears started rolling down his cheeks as he tries to stifle his sniffles, also upset because he is crying in front of someone other than his caretaker.

Petra reaches for the tissues on his side table and wipes his precious tears dry. “Don’t ever think that you need to hide anything from me, Levi. You’re going to need someone to look after you now that your eye isn’t working properly.” She wasn’t wrong. His eye was too damaged for everyday use so the doctors decided to remove it and stitch his eyelids together. The gauze is to keep any debris away the stitches for the time being. “Levi, I proposed to the caretaker to let you live with me. She has given us her blessing but decided that the best thing to do was to ask your opinion and have you make the final decision.” Levi knew that Petra lived by herself; her parents worked out of a different city and had sent her to his high school because it was reputable. 

Levi cleared his throat and said, “My dearest Petra. I’m sorry that I have not been the most affectionate person, but because of you, I have a future outside of the orphanage. I have developed the ultimate self-reliance because for the longest time, I believed that I would be alone for the remainder of my life. I took up the job of head cook at the orphanage just in case I was to become the caretaker of the orphanage in the future. But as of late, I couldn’t help but picture a future with you and only you. I would love to stay with you…if you’ll have me. Besides, I think it’ll be nice not sleeping on a bunk bed anymore.”

“You’re so silly, love.” Petra chuckled as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him sweetly. It surprised him and the pain from the cut on his lip stung but subsided as he kissed her back, using all the strength he had left to wrap his arms around her waist to pull her closer to him.

There wasn’t a reason for Petra to leave his side after his confession. With the stab wound on his side, Levi needed constant assistance standing up and sitting down but Petra was the best candidate to help him. She was patient. He was loved. Neither of them was to be alone anymore. After all of his hardships, emotionally and physically, Levi had finally found his sense of stability, his rock, his Petra and he realized that’s all he really needed.

 

_Levi had developed more scars that day than throughout his entire childhood. He lost the ability to use his left eye, acquired several cuts and bruises all over his body, a fractured rib from the roundhouse kick, and an almost fatal stab wound in his side that landed him a spot in the ICU in a heartbeat. But the love that Petra showered him with was more overwhelming than any pain he had ever encountered. The memories that they created together grew more in number than the amount of scars Levi had accumulated over his childhood. With the birth of their first child, all of Levi’s pain was washed away and by the birth of his second child, he was so overwhelmed with joy that he had almost forgotten what pain felt like._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those who bothered to read my story until the end! You all are wonderful and I appreciate the time you took to read this. I loved the idea of Petra and Levi being a couple in SnK so this is to try and compensate the sadness of her death. I really hope you all enjoyed it.


End file.
